Mike Stern's blog

I didn't make this:

2008-01-26T18:55:00.000-08:00

But I enjoy it on a daily basis.

Toonspeak

2007-10-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

Preaching the Gospel of WoW

2007-10-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

My name is Biblestudy. I am currently a level 38 Paladin. I am working hard to win gamer souls for Christ in the virtual online game, World of Warcraft.

Here, you see the one called Fadez recieving the Lord's blessing. He was one of the first to heed the Lord's call.

I moved to a more populated area, and as I spoke the Lord's wisdom, there were plenty of people giving their life to Jesus on the spot.

I took my sermon into the Hall of Arms, where the twinks and PvPers hang out. Satan truly wields much power over them, as they were angered by my message of salvation.

Speaking of Satan, I was tempted in the middle of one of my sermons by a cunting wench! DEMONS OUT!

I plan to build a small following of believers, then unite into one supreme guild of faith! I will not stop until every soul in Azeroth is saved!!!!!!!!

ATTN: All fans of Mary Blair!

2007-08-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

I didn't know she was SO into water sports!

Let me share my God-given talent(s) with you!

2007-06-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

I transcribed a neat banjo tune! Finally, you can play it just the way it was played by J.C. Sutphin in 1956!

Such a perfect name for one of the happiest, most carefree tunes ever.
...Listen...

GAME NIGHT

2007-06-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

I"M THE WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take a little banjo break...

2007-05-04T00:02:00.000-07:00

Every now and again you just need a little pickin' to help get you through.

A Treasury of D&D Character Sheets

2007-04-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

My Stupid Brother

2007-03-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

A show about a very smart little girl who hates her older mentally retarded brother. Coming to PBS Kids™ this spring. Retardz rejoice!

Bluegrass Rules

2007-03-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

One day, on my birthday about 10 years ago, I was driving into work. I thought, "Fuck that shit, it's my birthday!" and I turned around and drove to a music store. I bought my first banjo. I never went back to work again. Here's Bill Monroe with friends:

One to Grow On™

2007-03-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Portrait: Mother & Dog

2007-03-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

More Unfinished Comixz!

2007-03-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

How Droll...

2007-03-22T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sexually Active Older Gentleman

2007-03-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

Crack Babies!!!!

2007-03-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

The Crack Babies do what they got to do, yo. It ain't easy growing up with a 100$ a day habit.

The boy is Wooster. He's a rambunctious young feller with a sentient distended belly named Ahab. Ahab is a criminal mastermind, btw.

Juicy Eunice can secrete magical juices from her pores. Her fried chicken legs provide a regenerating food source for the trio.

Snarfy is the wild man of the group. He's like a feral child who was born with skull displacing sinus cavities. It allows him to make all kinds of useless sounds.

Here are a few panels from the opening bit:

2 B Continued....

Robot Jones Character Development

2007-03-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a retrospective: Early doodles of character stuff from Robot Jones!

The above drawing was the original Cubey idea. He was a lttle nerdy guy. Robot was supposed to relate to Cubey's intellect because he was like a kid genius. Like solving the Rubik's cube and stuff. Which he still did in the "Cube Wars" episode, even though he no longer looked or acted nerdy. Pretty neat.

These are a few color ideas for an early Robot Jones design. I like the 80's airbrush metallic one myself.

An early Mitch. He was pretty ready to go from the beginning.

Socks, Robot Jone's best pal. Drawn in pink crayola marker.

A super early Mr. McMcmc. This is a drawing of a teacher I had in high school, Mr. McManus. He was really into running marathons. On Monday's, he would wear a T-shirt from the weekend's marathon event over his dress shirt and tie. I didn't have him as a teacher for too long because I failed Alegebra 2.

More Robot Jones from the vault coming soon!

Unfinished Comix

2007-03-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

I went thru a box of old drawings today. I noticed alot of comics that just never got finished. You can make up your own endings if you want. Interactive!

Thanks, internet!

2007-03-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

For allowing humankind to evolve one step further towards his ultimate ideal.

Iconic Melodrama

2007-03-08T06:58:00.000-08:00

Enjoy this epic tale of love, lust, royalty, innocence, betrayal, sorrow, revenge and more!

More Family Funnyz!

2007-03-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

Family Funnyz!

2007-03-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

Altair Al' Qatar

2007-03-08T04:55:00.000-08:00

ARAMEC (Seven Kingdoms of the Sand)

Aramec is a far eastern land containing seven kingdoms which are cut off from the rest of the world by the largest desert in Marranor, El Scorcho. The desert surrounds Aramec for a hundred miles on all sides, and is inhabited by the chaotic, warring elementals of earth, fire, air and water. The cities of Aramec are united and made habitable by a peaceful race of water genies known as the Sul'ar. These water elementals are strict pacifists, who shepherded the early humans in that region and created The Oasis, which made their mortal lives unimaginably more comfortable. The humans of Aramec vow to protect the Sul'ar with their army, The Knights of the Seven.

The seven noble families of Aramec have accumulated wealth beyond the comprehension of most commoners in the west. They have natural resources such as petroleum oil, exotic glass blowing traditions, masterwork jewelery and the richest most intricately woven textiles in Marranor. For more than a century, the Al' Qatar family has been renowned as the Royal Merchants to the Sheikhs of Aramec. They themselves are a noble house, and they took it upon themselves to be the blood of the Arameki economy's veins generations ago. They organize and facilitate trade between the kingdoms and even import and export rare items by way of the treacherous Pass of Vurduk which is near their home, Palace Al' Qatar. At the moment, the wealthy mercantile is run by the three Al' Qatar brothers, Altair, Alzeir, and Alfeir.

Two months ago, Aramec was attacked by a massive army of elementals from the plane of fire. The Knights of the Seven had never encountered elementals as powerful as these and their numbers were too shallow to defend the Oasis and it's inhabitants. A massive firestorm swept thru the kingdoms and Human and Sul'ar alike, met their doom.

Altair Al' Qatar, with his years of personal experience traversing the Pass of Vurduk, barely made it out safely with a few treasured trinkets. He made his way westward to Jademouth Port, a city he had been to several times on import/export business. He has a few contacts there, mostly other traders and merchants, and he takes refuge there for the time being. He is far from home in a land where the inhabitants have scarcely heard of his homeland, and even some who have insist it's only a myth. He wonders of the fate of his brothers who were conducting transactions near the Oasis-side kingdoms where the attack was centered, and if he will ever see them again. In his heart, he hopes to go one day go back to help rebuild Aramec if at all possible since he has a deep pride in his bloodline and cultural history. These days Altair works freelance. In the last 2 months, he has worked as an appraiser, a repo-man, and transport security. Using his knowledge of the marketplace as well as his mighty falchion, he earns his keep while he plans out how to find his lost kin and restore the prestige and heraldry of his beloved homeland.

Altair escaped his demolished homeland with these 3 items:

1) Masterwork Falchion

2) Magic Carpet: works as follows:

Altair can activate the carpet 2/day by standing or sitting on it and saying a command word. The carpet has a low magic intelligence which lets it know a few specific arcane spells associated with the commands. Altair must be of the required level or higher in order for the carpet to respond to a particular command as indicated in the table below:

Level 1: Mount: Carpet hovers around 5ft up
Level 2:
Level 3: Levitate: Carpet can lift or lower rider
Level 4:
Level 5: Fly: Carpet can fly with (good) maneuverability
Level 6:
Level 7: Dimension Door: Carpet teleports you 400 ft
Level 8:
Level 9: Plane Shift: Carpet transports you to another plane

Special notes: Carpet is 5x5 ft, only 1 can ride and be affected by it's spell. Spell's caster level is equal to Altair's level. DM may call for ride checks as appropriate. Altair hopes to one day use the Plane Shift ability to reconnect to his friends the Sul'ar, a race of water elemental genies.

3) Magic Genie Lamp: works as follows:

Altair can activate the lamp 3/week by rubbing the lamp and saying a command word. This action summons a genie who can assist Altair in one of two ways: The genie can cast the spell Unseen Servant as guided by Altair, or as he gains levels, can be asked to cast any one arcane spell, as long as Altair's level meets the spell level requirement indicated in the table below AND he succeeds at a Knowledge(Arcana) check with a DC of 13+spell level to see if he can describe or name a spell. Summoning the genie and asking him for a spell is a full round action. If the knowledge check is successful, the genie immediately vanishes to another plane and returns after a number of rounds equal to the spell level and casts the spell at Altair's command. If the command is not immediately given, the genie returns to the lamp after waiting dutifully for 1 min/level. The genie is a pacifist, he will not attack or harm any living thing directly. Any gray areas must be taken up with the genie himself who speaks Aquan. He is tiny sized and can Liquify himself at will.

Level 1: Unseen Servant
Level 2:
Level 3: Level 1 Arcane Spells
Level 4:
Level 5: Level 2 Arcane Spells
Level 6:
Level 7: Level 3 Arcane Spells
Level 8:
Level 9: Level 4 Arcane Spells

Special notes: Spell's caster level works at Altair's level. This Genie is a lesser water elemental from the Sul'ar race. He cannot fight or interact physically, nor does he linger after his task has been accomplished.

All about Wendlyn

2006-12-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

…Don’t dare call him “Wendy!”

Wendlyn Chumleigh was made fun of a lot as a kid. Now it’s him who does the bullying.

Wielding divine power granted by his god, St. Cuthbert of the Cudgel, he restores order against the forces of chaos throughout Valastone.

Divine healing energies flow like a fountain from his fingertips. To be under his clerical tending is to be deftly granted health and invigoration.

A foolhardy inquisitor with a sharp eye and keen mind, he exposes the sins of evildoers and delivers St. Cuthbert’s merciless judgment upon them. (Usually by sundering skulls with his Rod of Muting or concussing them with Awaken Sin.)

He is not one for practical jokes. Mischief of any kind is not tolerated. Do not test this.

He does not procrastinate. In spite of being a slow, heavyset man, he displays a swift fist of retribution and a nimble spell hand to match.

Wendlyn keeps a journal in which he meticulously records the sins and judgments he has delivered, as well as the names of those next to be “cleansed”.

He has a sweet tooth for sugar confections. During clerical duties, he often administers a mint or hard candy to “cheer up” a wounded or recovering compatriot.

Driver's License Self-Portrait

2006-12-16T14:14:00.000-08:00

Hello.

Listen and Enjoy™

2006-10-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I make music. It goes like this.

Dream Team

2006-10-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

These two ROFLCOPTERS are from a recent dream.

First, Michael Jackson does the splits at the high point of an alpine snow race!

Then, Flo and Eddie do amazing things in a brand new, never-before-seen psychadelic music video masterpiece!

Church Inquisitor

2006-09-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

I'M GONNA DO MAH' THANG, I'M GONNA KICK YO' ASS!!!!!!!!!

As you can see, Chumleigh the cleric has recently become a badass. For his fourth level he took on the prestige class of Chuch Inquisitor. Theres no putting one over on him now. He can't wait to beat the truth out of someone. He's a complete asshole to anyone wanting to have "a good time."

Cumpstan the White

2006-09-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

I had the gang over for a new adventure I cooked up. The PCs had to penetrate and take down a perverted wizard named Cumpstan the White, who was suspected of kidnapping the son and daughter of a wealthy family. The PC's find him deep within a dungeon of S&M, beastiality, and fetishism. Here's a few highlights from the visual portion:

The magic mouth that tries to scare off intruders with it's horrible halitosis.

The Orgy room, with shag carpeting, erotic art and medieval disco ball.

The last guy who tried to save the kids. He got pwned.

These iron dominatrixes would team up to trip the PC, then stomp his balls with her stiletto heels.

A menstrual jacuzzi spa. 'Nuff said.

A "chest" chest. It was trapped. You disarm it by tweaking the nipples. Inside was some porn and jizz rags.

This horny dire ape was waiting behind a glory hole.

The final showdown with Cumpstan and his Scroto-beast.

The players really aced this adventure, I thought someone was gonna die because the enemies were really strong, but no one even came close. I also thought that this one would be too short and the players would be like "That's it?", but I again was totally wrong as we went till 4 in the morning! We all had a merry old time. I think it'll be a few months before I can figure out an adventure to top this one...but I've already got some ideas.

Pop Sensation

2006-08-24T14:48:00.000-07:00

If you haven't witnessed the sheer awesomeness of Swedish dance bands from the 70's, then you deserve punishment. For your punishment, witness the sheer awesomeness of Swedish dance bands from the 70's. Either way, you win. You can find some here OR just google "Gert Jonnys" for lots-O-laffs™.

Political Commentary

2006-08-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

Scorching! CIA, beware my poison pencil!

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!

2006-08-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

This is how you feel on your last day of work. Apparently.

Wendlyn Chumleigh

2006-08-14T14:57:00.000-07:00

More D&D fun y'all! This guy I've been playing for a few weeks now. He's a cleric of St. Cuthbert, the god of swift retribution. Wendlyn will just as soon inflict wounds as cure them. In fact, he whips himself with a small cat-o-nine-tails™ on a strict daily regimen! I kinda borrowed that from that one fat guy in The Name of the Rose. He was cool. I threw in some Ben Franklin too. He's supposed to have all these wise sayings, but the trouble is, I don't know any wise sayings. So I went to the Christian bookstore and got a book called, "Promises for you". It rules. I also went to the psychic eye bookstore and got a "holy symbol" (necklace & pendant) to wear while at the gaming table for maximum LARP-age. I wore it last time. No one noticed. Guess I'm just gay that way.

Mid-Life Crisis

2006-08-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

Dragons are neat creatures. I doodled this one the other day, and then again the next day, and so on until I had almost a whole story. This dragon has a mid-life crisis. For a dragon, that's happens about age 3000. He's got his horde of treasure and it just hasn't brought him any satisfaction. So gives up "the life" and sets out to "find himself". Among his adventures he becomes a traveling hobo, checks out the disco scene, takes up the banjo, and devastates a few towns. Excellent times.

Scribble Scrabble

2006-08-11T17:59:00.000-07:00

During the hectic post-production phase of Wizzard of Krudd, I decided to try and do at least one really stupid drawing per day. As shown here, I was successful.

Charisma = 4

2006-08-11T03:08:00.000-07:00

Grunther is my character in the cute, lovable World of Warcraft. In case your really stupid, that's a video game in which you gladly pay a monthly fee to waste months of your life killing other people who also pay to waste their lives killing you. In other words, it's pure genius! I got invited to play in a D&D game, so I thought I'd work up Grunther into a D&D character for the campaign. I changed his class from a hunter to a barbarian (love those barbarians) and he has progressed to level 2 recently. I rolled some freaking amazing numbers so he kicks ass! Sometimes, it's so easy I'm ashamed of myself. His only crap roll was a 6, which I put into Charisma. With the Half-orc racial penalty, that became a 4. According to the book, these creatures have a charisma of 4-5: Dire rat, weasel, chuul, donkey. And then, there's Grunther.

I will ROCK YOU

2006-08-11T02:57:00.000-07:00

This is my band. This is our video. This is your brain on drugs.

Wizzard of Krudd!!!!!

2006-08-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

Greg Miller and I just finished up our pilot for Nickelodeon, The Wizzard of Krudd. I'm so glad this one got made! It was so much fun to do. It's got everything I love, wizards, heavy metal, and demons! The testing went pretty well so we'll have to wait and see if it gets picked up as a series in September. I'm going to have a party eventually to inflict it upon thee. Let me know if you want ins.

Meet Ansgar Oxenhufud

2006-08-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

D&D has come back in a big way for me lately. It started (again) when I brought my old Monster Manual into work for reference on The Wizzard of Krudd. I looked through it all day and got no actual work done. Instead I thought about adventures, and all the evil foes I could vanquish if only I...had the new(er) 3.5 version of all the books. I had a mission! I got the books and read and reread them. I made up characters and went through the whole dice-rolling process. Fun! I always liked the character making process in D&D. Inspired by Sweden, and er...walruses, I created Level 1 Barbarian, Ansgar Oxenhufud. In Swedish, that should mean "Ox-headed warrior". I had fun doing lots of drawings of him for about a week. He still has yet to be played, so let me know when your ready.

I like you.

2006-08-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

Blogs. I like you. You keep me informed of what all me friends are doing. You show me pictures of them. You display fun drawings that they do. You have funny headlines and funnier comments. You are definitely better than myspace, but not as good as youtube.